How Yoga Changed Me

Disclaimer: I am not a certified fitness trainer and I am posting this review based on my own personal research and experience.   I write this in hopes of helping spread knowledge and information about this topic, as I receive a number of questions about it.

This was written back in May 2019, and I am now posting it as I am starting my routine back up with yoga!

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I first tried yoga out when I was in my 20s.  It was something fun to do with my girlfriends after a long day of work.  We would attend weekly, and this went on for a few months.  Once my friends stopped going, so did I.  After that experience, I got in to other forms of physical activity like running, reintroducing myself to tennis, strength training, and high intensity interval training (HIIT).  I became obsessive over only doing workouts that ensured major calorie burns and extremes in exercise.  I was obsessive in going after that adrenaline high.  I never saw yoga as fitting my needs, and actually thought that if I ever went, I would probably just have my mind be racing the whole time as I mentally tabulated my to do list.  So the only yoga I ever did during this season of my life was cat yoga, which I am not sure I can even count as yoga, although it was fun to cuddle those little furballs during our sessions.

I recognized that there were likely some mental and spiritual health benefits that I was missing out on, and as time went on and some of the stresses and anxiety of day to day life felt like they were too much to handle, I decided to give it another shot.  I had moved to Texas and connected with a yoga studio that offered an incentive package for 15 days of classes as a new member.  I kept putting off signing up for the package because I always had an excuse.  I was traveling.  I had other commitments.  Finally, one Sunday I signed up and went to my first class at the studio.  It was my first formal yoga class in a very long time, and I was nervous.

Here was my experience from my 15 days and 8 yoga classes.

1. I could relax.  I was shocked that my mind actually did not race during the yoga sessions.  The instructors always emphasized the importance of being present in the moment and finding a sense of peace, and maybe it was those words that helped.  I especially enjoyed the relaxation (Shavasana).  I found that I could actually shut out the events of the day and focus on my breath and body.  Then I would start to think about things that I did not allow myself to think about during the day.  Leading to my next point…
2. I cried.  A lot.  Pretty much every class, I would cry during Shavasana.  There was a matter that would come to my mind, and I listened to the instructor and I chose to sit with the feelings and emotions that I was experiencing.  And I let it all hang out.  The class I cried in the most was yin yoga.  This was an hour of holding poses for long periods of time.  It was on the evening of Valentine’s Day, and the theme was about the heart.  At one point, we were even holding our hands over our heart and I felt such a visceral connection to my own self in that moment.  As I felt and listened to my heart beating, I realized that I needed to learn to connect to myself more.  I could not remember the last time that I really got to know myself.  It was so powerful.  I went through so many tissues in that hour.  I felt so exhausted afterwards, and it was so worth it.
3. I didn’t worry about calories, but I did think about my body.  Sometimes in HIIT style workouts, I am constantly on the move and not really thinking much about anything else.  In yoga, the pace and sequencing allow me to really feel and listen to my body.  I felt so in touch with the beauty of the movements and found myself being very intentional with the flow of every body part as we transitioned from one movement to another.  Form is something I always believe that I think about when I am running or lifting weights, but I know that I am also thinking about rep counts, timing, pace, and distances – all of which distract me from the actual movements in those activities.  I felt that in yoga, I could just enjoy and appreciate what my body was capable of doing.
4. It’s a no judgement zone.  I felt like I could totally be me in class.  Nobody is dressed fancy and everyone is just comfortable.  I love how we are all laying on mats in our bare feet.  It feels very chill.  It’s so refreshing to roll in with no makeup, messy bun, and worn out leggings, and just not give a dang.  There are no mirrors in class.  It’s all about focusing on your own inner awareness and not your external look.  I believe this increases body acceptance and self esteem as a result.
5. It’s a no comparison zone.  Even though you are in a class, everyone was always encouraged to modify if necessary.  Modification options were provided as well as the option to just not do the move or do another move.  There was a move we did in one class that I wondered, how do some people move like that?  And it was funny because I did ask the instructors about it and they reaffirmed that we do not compare, but also made an excellent point that we all have our own strengths and it is based on our own individual bodies.  Some of us have inherent flexibility that allows us to bend in ways that others do not, but that doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else.  It’s just basic biomechanics in play, based on genetic footprint.   Their point was to just do you and be you.  And I loved that overall theme at the studio.
6. Classes are about connection.   I found the energy in the classes to be contagious.  You really can feel it.  You are all breathing and working together in one space.  I will confess that the first time I was in class and we are all breathing in and out in rhythm, I was wondering what I had committed to.  But honestly, it is what keeps me coming back.  In one class, the instructor asked us to look around the room and make eye contact with every single person there.  I can’t remember the last time I eyeballed a bunch of strangers, but it truly was a moment of human connection as I looked at every individual in class.  And that was our instructor’s point.  We are not doing yoga alone, because we as human beings crave connection with others and there is something about all being together in community that makes the experience truly impactful.

So what is my conclusion after 15 days and 8 classes?  I realized that I need to keep going.  Yoga is such a great complement to my other forms of exercise.  It is not only an opportunity to stretch and relieve my physical stress, but I have found the connection to my mental and spiritual health to be mind blowing (pardon the pun!). 

I cannot find a yoga picture at this time, but trust me that I went to many yoga classes!

I hope that my story may inspire you to give yoga a try.  Doing something new can be scary.  I know I felt that way too.  Regardless, I would recommend starting in a studio environment so that you can learn proper form.  I also recommend trying different types of yoga.  I am still on that path myself, but I do find that going to different types of yoga sure keeps it interesting, and I learn what a better fit is for me.  Lastly, I would recommend trying at least a few times before making any decisions.  Sometimes you have to let something new grow on you.  And it did take me a few times before I really started to recognize that this was actually very enjoyable and beneficial.  I hope you find something that lights you up inside as well!

The Joy of Rowing

I never thought that I would be writing a post to talk about how much I enjoy indoor rowing, but here we are!  It all started in 2017, when I despised rowing.  I was exposed to the water rower at Orangetheory classes, and I dreaded using the rower during class.  I found it difficult to get my heart rate up while I used it.  I had no idea what proper form was, and really just wanted to get the rowing over with so I could hop on the treadmill and get in to the orange zone.

Despite my hate for the water rower, I did periodically try out the Concept2 rowers in the gym from time to time.  I did not live near an Orangetheory at the time, so sometimes I would try to create an Orangetheory inspired workout by rowing at the gym and combining that with other exercises.

When I look back at videos of me rowing at the time, I know why I didn't like it.  My form was trash!  I just didn't realize it at the time.

When I became a full member at Orangetheory in 2018, I started rowing more.  And I slowly started getting better at my form.  My wattage increased and practicing for events such as the dri tri, which requires a 2,000 meter row, I found myself practicing on the Concept2 even more.

This year, I suddenly have gone all ham on rowing.  We had a team dri tri event and I was the rower on the team.  That meant that all I had to do was row 2,000 meters.  And I wanted to be my absolute best for my team.  I started rowing a few times a week, outside of Orangetheory.  I researched the heck out of the Concept2 and how it compares to a water rower.  I hit a personal record (PR) on my row!  And it left me hungry for more.

So let me back up and start telling you why rowing is so awesome, and I will follow it up with how you can get good at it!  (Disclaimer: I am not currently a certified fitness professional and all thoughts and opinions are my own).

In my opinion, this is why a rower is so awesome:

1. Low impact exercise.  I can definitely get my heart rate up when I am using proper form on the rower.  
2. Uses a lot of muscle groups.  You are using your legs to drive, but also your core, shoulders, and back.  You also have to grip the handlebar, which can improve your grip strength.
3. Increases your endurance.  Your cardio fitness can improve on the rower.  It is an aerobic exercise that improves your stamina.
4. It's up to you.  You control the resistance and the stroke rate (how fast you go).  You are in control, the master of your own destiny.  That is mentally powerful.
5. It's available.  Go to any gym, and usually the rower is the lonely machine.  I don't have to fight over people to get on the rower.  This is a selfish bonus to me.

How do you get good at the rower?  I will share what worked for me.

1. Find a rower.  There are water rowers, and then there is the traditional "erg" or air rower.  The most popular one, and I see this at many gyms, is the Concept2.  Decide if you are going to use one at the gym or purchase one.  Each type has its pros and cons, so do your research.
2. Get set up properly.  You will want to make sure that the foot pedals are set up properly, and if you use the Concept2, there is a damper setting that you have to play around with.
3. Follow the right motion.  Proper form is super important.  You want to avoid injury, and you also want to maximize your efficiency.  When I started rowing, I used my arms too much instead of my legs, and I didn't lean back far enough while I rowed.  I had to spend some time working on this.  Watching videos and then taking videos of myself helped a lot.
4. Build up your time.  A lot of people complain about their behind hurting when they start rowing.  I would recommend starting with shorter duration rows before moving to longer durations.
5. Set goals.  This is my recommendation only.  You want it to be fun.  Beyond completing benchmark rows at Orangetheory, I also complete rowing exercises on the Concept2 at the local gym.  I have considered getting an app to guide me through a rowing workout, but for now, I have not.  Rowing studios are starting to get very popular.  I am periodically hitting up a rowing class at Row House!  I love rowing around people so much.  Maybe I will get on the water next!

A recent Concept2 workout.

Row House workout summary

Here's some resources that I have found to be very helpful!

Dark Horse Rowing - all about how to row on a Concept2

Workout of the Day - courtesy of Concept2.  They tell you how to program the workout and everything.  I stick with the short workouts (<30 minutes) as that is what I currently budget in my schedule.

Training Tall - Coach Austin is an Orangetheory coach and he has a number of instructional videos on how to set yourself up on the water rower.

Tips to improve your rowing technique - this video from Concept2 is very helpful.

One Year of Food Freedom

It has been nearly a year since I have stopped counting calories!  I have spent a lot of time thinking back to my journey and getting to where I am today.  I am not done yet.  I still have foods that I am afraid to eat, and rules about when to eat are very hard for me to break.  But I am farther along than I was before.  Most importantly, I was able to tackle the root cause of my issues and that is what led to my breakthrough to change.

My journey to “healthy eating” started in December of 2015.  I felt like I was getting a bit “fluffy” and my use of MyFitnessPal began.  I started tracking calories and decided to target a certain range.  I’m not sure why I picked the number that I did, but I remember being hungry a lot.  I ignored my hunger because I wanted to lose weight.  And I did.  It came off quickly, and more came off than I thought was possible.

I sure wasn’t “fluffy” at this point.  I lost weight everywhere.  The doctors and nutritionists that I consulted with told me I was fine.  Here’s what was wrong:

• There was a lot of concern that I lost to much.  My mom and mother in law were both worried that I went too far.  I had someone at work bring me in their office and shut the door and tell me that they were concerned about how I looked, after seeing me over the weekend in a tank top.  The nutritionists said that people were just surprised with my weight loss and that is why I was getting these comments.  Meanwhile, people thought I was sick.  I got asked if I had cancer.  Now I look back at pictures and see what others saw, that I could not see at the time.  I looked like I was dying.
• I was in pain.  I was training for a marathon and I didn’t allocate any time for recovery days if I could help it.  My bones didn’t have much to cushion them.  When I would lay down in bed at night, I could feel my bones pressing in to the mattress, and it hurt.  I was waking up at night and whimpering like a dog.
• I was unhappy.  News flash, losing weight does not mean that you will be happy!  Though I thought my weight loss was a success, I was not happy with myself.  More on that piece later.
• Big red flag: I lost my period.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but actually my body had to shut something down to keep me going.  Between the calorie restriction and lots of exercise, something had to give.  It was my reproductive system.  Basically, my body said it could live without that in order to keep all other systems a go.  And I had a doctor tell me not only that nothing was wrong with me, but to enjoy not having my period. 

Here’s the thing.  Nobody knew what was going on inside, not even me.  I had some stressors in my life at the time that were out of control.  I couldn’t manage the root cause of it.  So instead I subconsciously decided to control what I ate.  It was something I could manage.  And when I saw success, not only did I continue to calorie count daily, but I became even more stringent.  I cut more food groups and became more restrictive. 

In the summer of 2018, the stressors got worse and my disordered eating did too.  I began what is known as the restrict/binge cycle.  I would restrict, then I would eat something “bad”.  And lots of it.  Like spooning a bunch of Nutella out of a jar and gorging on it, or standing over the stovetop after dinner while shoveling nachos in my mouth.  I would eat to the point of being sick.  Then, I mentally would beat myself up over this.  I would follow this up by not eating for a full day to “make up” for being “bad”.  I would be so proud of myself for not eating for 24 hours.  And then the cycle would repeat. 

All of this came to a head in December of 2018.  We went to a football game and I had a complete and utter breakdown in front of my husband and kids over food.  I could not find anything in the stadium that met my narrow criteria.  I had not eaten all day.  I wanted coffee to shut up my stomach.  I did not believe that the carbonated water my husband offered me was truly calorie free, because it came out of the fountain machine.  I lost it.  And they all stared at me like I was crazy.

That moment really sucked, but it had to happen.  I had to hit rock bottom to recognize that I needed to change.  And I could not change the cycle I was in without addressing the root cause of the stressors in my life. 

I apologized to my family and I thanked them for putting up with me.  I then started counseling.  There is NO SHAME in therapy.  NONE.  Mental health is a serious issue that impacts so many of us in this country today.  I am so thankful to have access to find a therapist who specializes in eating disorders.  I cried a lot in her office.  I let it all out there.  I also started attending yoga, and I created a prayer closet in our home.  I went on a spiritual retreat.  I spent time writing, meditating, praying, and practicing what I was taught in therapy.  One of the very first acts was stopping the calorie counting.  I had to learn to let go of many things, and this was the first to go.  It felt so hard at first, but today I feel free from it.  I have more mental space now to focus on so many more productive and positive things. 

I also did address the root stressor in my life during this time.  It was what was causing me to hate myself.  It was so hard, and I continue to heal from that experience.  That’s why I call this a journey.  On the surface, it seems so simple to just chill out and eat.  The thing with disordered eating is that usually there is some sort of undercurrent that needs to be addressed.  I did not understand why I was in this binge/restrict cycle – why can’t I just get it together?  Now I know why.  Eating disorders are about more than food.  Eating disorders are biologically influenced mental illnesses.  They are not a lifestyle choice.  And they can affect anybody.

I do look different from 2015.  I gained all my weight back.  I got rid of all the clothes that no longer fit me when I was underweight.  I am far from fitting in them and that is fine by me, because I believe that our bodies have a natural set point and I am thankful that my body fought for me to get back to that.  I also allow rest and recovery from workouts.  Most importantly, last year I got my period back.  This to me was the biggest indication that I am back to a new normal.

I share my story in hopes that I can enlighten you.  Whether you are struggling with disordered eating or know someone who is, I hope that your awareness is raised to the dangers of diet culture.  I hope that if you are suffering, you can raise your hand and seek professional help.  If you are not, please be mindful of your messaging when you compliment someone for being skinny.  That skinny person may be suffering inside and you don’t even know it.  The things we say matter.